Where am I heading?

Sometimes I wonder whether I am a sane being or not. It is not that I behave too awkwardly or I do staffs abnormally. But many times I don't find any acceptable coherence in my actions. For example, I am almost thirty; not in exact figure, but it's not too far either. For a normal man this is the right time to think of taking rather accepting responsibilities. I do contemplate about such things. But is there any indication of being ready? Nope, I don't thinks so. This is the exact contradiction I am fighting long against. Why am I escaping? What is that fear which makes me so numb that even a mere thought about responsibility seems unbearable. Does it have anything to do with my childhood? It's not untrue my childhood had been dominated by my mother. It was not a regular kind of domineering, it was a frightening one with lot of physical abuse involved. Although very distantly, it seems that is where this escapism was rooted. Still it is a matter hidden in obscurity.

God, please give me courage to get rid of it.